We survived the first month

As I've mentioned before, our mantra at the beginning was to just survive the first month.  Here we are, one month in, and we've survived.  The boys are going to school without too much complaint.  Mike is playing soccer and having a blast and Jameson is about to start with a film making club at school.  I went to bed last night thinking about writing this blog post and how they've shown resiliency and truly adapted to being in a foreign city.  They've risen to the challenge of living in a foreign country and even though Bangalore is a dirty and crowded place with many challenges, we have all managed find a way to fit here.

Jameson wants to get a group of friends together to pick up all of the trash on the streets and rescue all of the street dogs - there are a lot of both here.  Mike wants to get a group of friends together and start a baseball team - because of course every place is better off with a baseball team.  I'm not sure this will happen because he is too busy playing soccer and learning cricket and generally creating havoc everywhere he goes.  I am hanging out with friends and looking at different volunteer opportunities.  There are so many people in need here - another blog post in and of itself.

At the start of this adventure I was concerned that I would be bored.  Seriously, I have a housekeeper that works all day, 5 days a week cleaning and doing laundry and ironing our clothes.  And, I have a cook who makes us delicious dinners every night.  What else is there to do?  But I've actually been really busy with different activities and meeting friends - Kyle often comments about my "tough" life of friendly lunches and meetings of the Overseas Women's Club.  I tell Kyle all the time that as an HR professional responsible for bringing expats and their families into new and sometimes difficult living situations that I am doing exactly what he wants the spouses of all of his employees doing.  Keep us busy and happily involved in various activities and life will be much easier and work more productive for your employees.  If we are bored, lonely and miserable your employees will be miserable.

In addition to the adjustments we've all made over the past month, I was thinking about how pleased I am that we've managed to get through the month relatively unscathed.  We've all been relatively healthy, no mishaps in a country that I've heard many people refer to as a US lawyer's dream for all of the potential hazards.  That is until midnight when Michael fell into my bed with a high fever and feeling nauseous.  He and I spent the night on the bathroom floor waiting for him to throw up - he never did. ...on a side note here, my mom is totally getting payback through Michael.  He is as dramatic and needy as I ever was as a sick child!... But his fever did get as high as 102.5, and, since we had an evening of misapplied bug spray resulting in several mosquito bites earlier in the week I naturally got a bit concerned.  I looked up his symptoms on webmd.com (my favorite reference for all self-diagnosis opportunities!)  I was pretty sure that he had a standard virus and possibly the flu but that he was ok.  Even still, I thought he should go to the doctor.  Of course, that meant waiting for our driver to get back to the house after dropping Kyle off at work.  With the bad traffic he didn't get there until 10:15.  We went right to the clinic - luckily a new neighbor is a pediatrician at the clinic and she told me to come right in even without an appointment.  The clinic is only about 5 miles away - but given Bangalore road conditions and traffic that was a 50 minute drive.  Ravenna, our driver, was so worried about Mike that he drove the wrong way down the street for the last 3 blocks because the traffic on the other side of the road was open and he wanted to get there!  Surviving Bangalore driving is another blog post...stay tuned.

We got there and I wasn't sure what to expect.  Most of my previous healthcare related situations have occurred in the US.  US healthcare is considered the best in the world -  at least by everyone in the US. But everyone I have talked to here has told me that healthcare in India, at least for people who can afford it, is very good.  They were right.  I went into the clinic.  Paid 450 Rupees for an appointment (that is the total cost, not an insurance co-pay cost).  Mike was seen quickly and Dr. Sonal assured me that he has a virus.  If he is not better in 3 days we will go back for additional testing, but there is a virus going around and his symptoms are classic.  She prescribed 3 different medications - Motrin for the fever and two different stomach medicines for his upset stomach.  I picked them up at the onsite pharmacy for a total of 512 rupees.  Again that is total cost, not an insurance co-pay cost.  The doctors here don't take the insurance information.  Patients pay out of pocket and submit the records to the insurance company for repayment.  Most people don't even have insurance.  The entire visit cost me 962 Rupees.  At today's exchange rate, that is a cost of $15.40.  Unbelievable!  And this was a private clinic without government funding.  I received top notch care (this doctor friend of mine studied in India and trained and worked in the US for many years before returning to India about a year ago) for under the co-pay cost of a visit in the US.

There are many things that I was unsure about in terms of the move.  All of the worries that a mother is going to have...what if my kids hate it, what if someone gets really sick, what if I get bored of perfect weather all the time (ok, I made that one up :)).  And of course I am still worried about the kids and the potential for illness, but I am no longer worried about their ability to adjust and fit in.  They still talk about their friends at home and keep in touch via email and FaceTime, but they also are finding friends here and having fun.  And I am no longer worried about the quality of care. When I return in two years I think I will have a very different view of the healthcare system in the US.  One where patients are rushed in and out of appointments, medications are prescribed based on what the pharmaceutical companies are marketing rather than what the patient truly needs, and one where there is so little transparency that patients have no idea of the cost of anything until the insurance company denies a claim and makes it so cumbersome for the average person with responsibilities and busy schedules to fight for coverage that they just give up.

The kids in India

We are going on week three here in India and the kids are finding it easier to be here.  They still miss their friends but they don't seem to miss the other comforts of home as much as they used to.  We never watch tv here other than an occasional movie on the weekend.  They also don't have most of their toys and books that are coming over on the sea shipment which won't arrive until late October.  They only have the few items that would fit in their carry on luggage.  But, they keep busy with friends and their Nintendo DS while they wait for their toys to arrive.

I have always considered myself a pretty laid back parent.  I am strict about certain things like wearing a helmet for bike riding or making sure that they don't even go near the pool without an adult present, but for other things I have always felt that my kids are going to learn better if they go off on their own and make up their own games and settle playground squabbles without the interference of adults.

What I have found is that as laid back as I might think I am, the parents here in India make me look like a mommy warden!  There are kids as young as 5 and 6 out riding bikes alone (without helmets) and going to the clubhouse pool without any supervision at all.  There is a lifeguard at the pool, but I am not convinced that he is actually equipped to save anyone - he guards the pool in a sweatshirt, sweatpants, and sneakers.  The kids take off in the morning to find their friends and they come back for dinner when it starts to get dark and the parents may not see them in between.  My kids are given much more freedom here then they had at home.  They can take their scooters to the Palm Meadows store to buy a drink and some candy and they can scooter to their friends houses even if those houses are across the development.  I think there are about 400 houses in the development so it isn't huge, but much bigger than the radius of one street that they were used to at home.  But, I have not given in on the pool yet.  If they want to go to the pool I need to be there.  I think that is fair.

The other adjustments the kids need to make is with the traffic here.  Even though we are in a gated community, there is still much more traffic than the kids are used to and the driving skill is just as bad within the development as it is outside.  Cars are on the wrong side of the road or passing each other on dangerous corners without concern for kids on scooters or walking.  The kids need to be much more aware of their surroundings here.  Even on the school bus!  The first day they got on the school bus, Jameson was the last child on and the bus started moving (which here means it peeled out of the parking area) before Jameson even made it to the seats.  Kids are flying around the bus while trying to get to their seats and no one seems to be bothered by it.  It is amazing to me that there hasn't been a significant accident or injury to a child with the way these busses operate.  But, the kids adapt and figure out how to be safe within the changing environment.

I am excited that my kids are moving around on their own without wanting me to be with them all the time.  They are doing a great job of meeting other kids, entertaining themselves outside, and basically experiencing life without the interference of electronics (at least most of the time).  But I still worry about them.  I guess even the most laid back mom is going to worry about her kids.

Ganesha Chaturthi

Monday was the celebration of Ganesha.  I couldn't get much detailed information about the holiday from our driver so I turned to my trusty research source, Wikipedia:

Ganesha Chaturthi is the Hindu festival celebrated on the birthday (rebirth) of Lord Ganesha, the son of Shiva and Parvati.

It is believed that Lord Ganesh bestows his presence on earth for all his devotees during this festival. It is the day when Ganesha was born. Ganesha is widely worshipped as the god of wisdom, prosperity and good fortune and traditionally invoked at the beginning of any new venture or at the start of travel. The festival, also known as Vinayaka Chaturthi ("festival of Ganesha") is observed in the Hindu calendar month of Bhaadrapada, starting on the shukla chaturthi (fourth day of the waxing moon period). The date usually falls between 19 August and 20 September. The festival lasts for 10 days, ending on Anant Chaturdashi (fourteenth day of the waxing moon period).

I mention this because I found a Ganesha "shrine" during my walk to the ATM this morning.  In our development there is an ATM located at the entrance to the club house which is where most of the local employees begin their day.  While there I found this:

It was dark and I was using an old iPhone to take the picture so I apologize for the poor quality.  But, the center of the picture shows the Ganesh statue and all around the statue are blinking lights and the employees brought plates of food which are sitting in front of the statue.  At the end of the celebration the Ganesha is brought to a local water source and submerged.  Some Indians now submerge the Ganesha in bath tubs because the Ganesha actually cause harm and pollution to the local water supplies.  

As a side note, our driver keeps a small Ganesha on the dashboard of our car because he believes it removes obstacles - a very good quality to have in Bangalore traffic :)

Schools are just different here...

Two weeks in and still no phone!  I may go crazy soon.  Although, I am getting used to being without a phone and Kyle can always get in touch with me via the driver so I'm not entirely out of touch.  As I keep saying...Gotta love India!  It is impossible to apply my typical western logic to anything that happens in India.  I am slowly but surely getting used to the differences (not good or bad, just different.)

One of the big differences we are coming to terms with is the school.  The private schools in India run on various schedules depending upon the type of curriculum/student makeup.  The schools we looked at typically start in early August and finish around mid-June.  We knew we would miss the first few weeks of school because of the timing of our move, but the schools all assured us that given their large expat population a late start was typical and would not be detrimental to their progress.  I'm thinking we were sold a bill of goods!  In any event, we chose Indus for a variety of reasons:

• it is closer to where we live than the other schools
• it has a nice ratio of expat students and Indian students
• we received word of mouth recommendations
• the curriculum is challenging but not over the top difficult as it is at some private Indian schools

Surprisingly to me we are finding a huge divide between the expectations/rules of the traditional US schools and Indus.  For instance, students of all ages are in the hallways at all times.  Apparently, if a student wants to leave the classroom for any reason they simply get up and leave.  No raising their hand, no asking permission.  Don't want to go to art class, no worries, just get up and wander the hallways or walk around outside.  Need to go to the bathroom or the nurse, just go.  The teachers have no idea where the students are if they are not in the classroom.  

Even more disturbing to me is the culture of talking over each other.  The teacher may be speaking to the class but half of the students are engaged in side conversations that are interfering with the lesson.  No one stops the side conversations.  Don't want to pay attention to the teacher, just talk to your neighbor.  There seems to be little respect for authority and little respect for each other.  This is very difficult for my boys because they know the behavior is "wrong" according to the rules they are used to, but it isn't being treated in the way they expect so it causes confusion and anxiety.  

I'm sure it won't take long for the boys to figure out that the rules are different here and they won't get in trouble if they start to act like their fellow classmates.  This is particularly difficult for the kids, like mine, who are four weeks behind and having difficulty understanding the heavily accented english anyway.  Add in the side conversations and other distractions and they may catch half of what the teacher is trying to teach them - creating more anxiety and stress.

Should be an interesting year.  I have written several emails to the teachers asking them to let me know at the first hint that my children may be out of line or falling behind in class.  But I'm not sure that the idea of "out of line" even means anything to them.  

On the positive side, all kids, regardless of grade, have a long break for lunch/recess.   Kids need exercise and they need to have breaks throughout the day.  I love that the kids at Indus get to run around before school starts and in the middle of the day.

I keep reminding myself that there is going to be an adjustment period and that the boys are learning more in life experiences than they ever could in a classroom anyway.  That said, I'm seriously considering removing the kids from school and using private tutors for next year (or sooner) if this year continues along this path.  

Settling In...some observations

When Kyle and I began discussing the possibility of a move to India several months ago I delved into the research - in typical Kristin style!  I truly feel like we entered this adventure with eyes wide open.  I knew India was a third-world country with third-world problems and that the adjustment would be extremely difficult.  Moving two children from a beautiful, tiny NH town of 5,000 people to a dirty, crowded city teeming with millions of people would not be an easy transition.  Our mantra was...Just survive the first month.  We figured if we could get through the difficulties of the first month we could get the kids adjusted enough to enjoy living here and get the most out of the experience.

Well, we have three more weeks to go to get through that first month and so far the experience has been as difficult as expected.  Some of the more challenging aspects:

• I do not have phone service.  We have been trying to get me an Indian cell phone for the past week and have not been able to.  In India phones and service plans are purchased separately.  So, technically I have a cell phone.  But the AirTel service provider has a million hoops to jump through before allowing service.  We've been told we can't have service because I don't have any paperwork with my address on it.  So, we used Kyle's name for my phone, but his Indian address is a different one then where we live because he was in temp housing for several months.  Since AirTel verifies addresses with a personal visit (can you imagine AT&T coming to your house to make sure you live there!) they will not approve coverage.  We finally convinced them that we live where we say we do so they agreed to use Kyle's US license as one form of ID (in addition to his Indian Visa, passport, lease agreement, and official Indian work permits).  Since his license expires in December (3 months away!) they told us it was an invalid form of ID and could not approve the service plan.  MADDENING!!!  So, still don't have a phone...
• And, since I don't have a phone the school can not call me if something goes wrong.  Which is a definite possibility since school has been a challenge as we expected.  It is difficult to adjust to any new school, but one where your teachers speak heavily accented english and follow a different curriculum is especially challenging.  And, there is far less handholding at this school than US schools (which will eventually be a great thing) but will take time for the kids to get used to.  As an example, the teacher will mention homework in passing and expect the kids to make a mental note of the assignment and then remember that assignment when they get home.  No one is reminding them to write down the assignments at the end of the day.  Again, I think this could be a very good thing once the kids get accustomed to the situation, but it makes for high-anxiety evenings when they get home and have no idea what their homework assignments are.
• We have a driver - which is great because driving in India is insane.  Imagine Boston drivers driving through downtown Boston without traffic signals or lane markings and with tractors, cows, goats, walkers, bikers, pushcarts and various other vehicle forms all sharing the same roads.  So a driver is great!  But, I am totally dependent on him to get anywhere and he is gone from 8:30 am until 10:30-11:00 am every morning to drive Kyle to work.  So, if there was a problem at school and somehow the school managed to contact me, I'd need to find my driver that I can't call (who could be driving Kyle somewhere or out running errands for us) and then get to the school which is at least 45 minutes away traffic depending.
• I've attempted to communicate with the school via email since I don't have a phone, but that has been a challenge as well since our WIFI has gone down twice this week for several hours each day.  When WIFI goes down I lose all ability to communicate with anyone.  I guess its kind of like how my mom lived when I was a kid in the 70s and she didn't have a cell phone, email, or even a car to get us even if we needed to be picked up!
• We lose power Every. Single. Day!  several times a day, sometimes for hours at a time.  We have a backup generator that powers the fans, the fridge and some lights, but nothing else works, including the remaining kitchen appliances and AC, which makes sleeping difficult.  And sometimes when the power goes out it is accompanied by noises which can be scary for kids that don't know what it is.  And, sometimes we'l spend ten minutes in a vicious cycle of: power goes out, generators kick in, generators kick off, power comes back, power fizzles out, generator kicks in...mostly this is annoying, but when it happens during the night it will cause the boys to get nervous.
• One thing the kids really dislike...the constant application of sunscreen and bugspray!

I know I sound very down on India, but that is not the case!  I realize how fortunate I am to have this amazing opportunity for me and my family.  I've already begun planning my first weekend away with a couple of women I've already met (other Fidelity wives) for a photography excursion to Veranasi to view the Ganga of Benares (I'll let you know more about that when I learn more about it!)  I have met some amazing people and my boys have already met some great friends and I'm sure they will meet more as they get settled into school.  The weather is unbeatable - 90s, sunny.  We are currently in the rainy season which means it gets humid and rains a little bit each evening, but it hasn't been too bad.  I guess it will start to get colder - and by colder I mean 70s - as we get to the end of the year, but pretty much the weather is amazing year-round.  

I'm getting more sleep now that I am finally getting over the jet lag!  More sleep means that I should be able to experience more and hopefully write more.  Let me know what you want to hear about and I will do my best to answer your questions!