Things I've learned as a stay at home mom

Our family has finally settled in to Hudson and think of it as home now even though I still refer to New England as home.  As in...We are going "home" for Christmas or when we were back "home" this summer...  But other than that, Hudson has become home for our family.  We love it here.  I seriously can't stress that enough.  The kids have some amazing friends, Kyle and I have made new friends, the dogs have even made friends with the puppies across the street.  All in all a good time is had by the Kane family - sometimes too good a time, but that has been a running theme for the Kane family.

We still have our challenges.  Who raises teenagers without them?  For today's challenge...  This is the first time I am truly a stay at home mom, for real.  I have held the title of stay at home mom for almost 4 years, but up until the past 6 months I have always had some extenuating circumstances that have led me to think of myself differently than as a SAHM.

At first, I left work 4 years ago because I had to fight (almost literally fight some administrators) for help at the school and research options beyond school when the school was unwilling to adequately fulfill its requirements.  It was a full time job researching and writing letters and pushing for what I knew to be the right amount of assistance for my son to reach his individual academic goals - but not so much that he wouldn't be learning on his own (side note, too often I found that the administrators at his NH schools either didn't want to help at all or they wanted the path of least resistance where they just did things for him.  Both options result in the student not learning the skills necessary to be a productive adult).

Then we moved to India.  Transitioning to and from India is a full time job in and of itself.  The crazy amount of work it took to get the most simple things accomplished like purchasing and activating a phone that took over 3 weeks.  In the few months I had in between the transitioning I spent my time adjusting and getting to know new friends and new situations.  It was a full time job just to maintain sanity in a crazy world.  Not complaining - I loved every minute and in hindsight can remember that it was always amazing.

Now, we are settled.  For almost 4 years we have been pretty unsettled which is any combination of scary, exciting and fun, but now we are settled which can be any combination of boring, fun and content.  I am, for what feels like the first time, a SAHM.  Of course, Kyle reminds me that I haven't earned a paycheck in quite some time which is probably the biggest indicator of SAHM status, but I earned my keep in the other ways mentioned above.  Now, I am not earning a paycheck, I am not fighting with schools, at least not as often as I was, I am not transitioning into or out of anything anymore, and life is pretty "boring".  The biggest indicator that I am a SAHM is that I am PTO chair for the middle school and fundraising coordinator for Mike's baseball team.  If those don't scream SAHM I don't know what does!

These are the things I have learned in my day to day minutia that I did not truly understand or appreciate before being a SAHM:

- No one in this house who stands to pee has figured out how to pee entirely in the toilet.  I clean pee off of different surfaces EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!

- I have unique and amazing powers of observation! I am the only member of my house who can see when the dogs' water dishes are empty, or the lights are left on, glasses left on the counter, shoes left anywhere but the closet and snacks left out.  Apparently all of these things are invisible to everyone else in the house because I am the only person who sees them.

• I feel that a side note needs to be added here to expand on this particular point.  My husband is very good at cleaning up and noticing clutter.  However, he does it on his own time and at his own discretion (I am very appreciative for what he does because he is much better at cleaning up than I am)  BUT... there is a specific example that highlights this point better than any other.  On Feb 13th of this year one of our dogs got into something that made him sick.  He wandered from our bed into the master bathroom in the middle of the night where he proceeded to have diarrhea everywhere including the throw rugs, the cream colored rug in the hallway and piles and piles on the tile floor.  I got up, spent 45 minutes scrubbing and cleaning and hauling garbage bags out to the garage and generally alternating between disgust, disbelief and wanting to cry.  Finally cleaned up enough to go back to bed where Kyle rolled over and asked, everything ok?  I explained and we both fell asleep. In the morning (Valentine's day) he got up and said, you sleep in - thanks hun, I was going to :).  An hour or so later he came up to check and me and said, "it still smells like poop in here, are you sure you cleaned everything?"  Yes, I'm sure.  He leaves, I am now awake and smelling the poop, I leave the room and realize there is new pile in the hallway area on the carpet that he had to walk around to get to me.  A short time later the poop was gone because I had cleaned it up while he helped Mike get ready for soccer - something Mike does not need help with!  Later that day, Mike and Kyle stop at the store and buy me totally overpriced V-Day flowers to apologize.  Now I am angrier that he spent a stupid amount of $ on flowers to apologize for poop that he had to notice but didn't because noticing meant cleaning up.  

- I have done a terrible job of teaching the children in this house how to put away laundry.  Mike's laundry stays in piles all over the hallway and his room - "it is easier to find clothes that way!"  And when I ask Jameson if his laundry is put away in his closet he always answers yes.  When I go in search of my laundry basket I find it, in his closet, with all of his folded clothes still inside.

- I don't really care if my house is cleaned and organized to perfection.  I thought for sure that when I had the time to be a true SAHM I would have the cleanest and most organized house - I don't.  Not even close.  Whenever I clean up, the house is a mess the minute the kids walk in the door so I don't bother.  The house is perfectly acceptable and my friends know they are good friends when I don't bother to do the 15-minute frantic clean before they arrive.

- I am NOT a decorator or landscaper.  I love to see other houses that are well decorated for every holiday and put together in a way the feels comfortable and organized.  I don't even try to do that here.  I stink at it.

- Apparently I am not a cook either.  I try very hard to make reasonably healthy meals most nights of the week.  Not once have I cooked a meal that was enjoyed.  The best thing I hear is, "this was good but maybe next time you could..."  I always get a thank you from Mike so I guess I am doing something right even if it isn't cooking :)

- I don't have many hobbies that introduce me to new people or interests.  I like to run and lift weights but I do not like going to traditional gyms or exercise classes so I usually work out at home.  I like to read and write of which I do a lot of both.  All of these are pretty solitary activities and I enjoy them very much - so much that I get mad at my kids when they dare to ask me a question while I am doing either.  But none of these are helping me find new interests.  I also love to travel but the SAHM status means less income to spend on travel.  We still manage to go on at least one trip a year, but I hope Kyle and I are the crazy retired travelers some day going on a different adventure each month!

All of this leads me to the shocking reality that I think I might need to go back to work.  At least at work I was good at what I did and the thank you's were from true appreciation and not because it was the polite thing to do.  And I made decent money which helped save for college and retirement.  But enough crazy talk for one day.  I am going back to the couch where I can enjoy my coffee while observing my less than perfect house and the good book I am currently reading.

Merry Christmas to all from my nearly decorated but never quite complete home!

Things are different in Hudson, OH

The family has been in Hudson, OH for 3 months now and it feels like we are finally getting settled.  Hudson is truly an amazing town.  I can't say enough good about it.  So much so that it feels a little like Whoville or Mayberry - magical places that are almost too good to be true where people are genuinely nice to each other and care about the beauty and function of the town.

Main street Hudson, OH

This picture of downtown Hudson is an example of the thought and care that goes into town planning.  The downtown area is beautiful and even minor details are thought through to bring out the small town charm.  

On our very first day in our house three 10-11 year old boys showed up on their bikes to introduce themselves to Mikey.  An hour or so later a 13-year old boy stopped by to introduce himself to Jameson.  In New England I think it would be much more likely that parents would tell their kids they can not stop by the new kid's house until they have met the family because they are strangers and, well, STRANGER DANGER!!!  

11+ years ago when we moved to Brookline we did it because of the schools.  We knew the taxes were high and that it was pretty far from everything (other than Kyle's job at the time) but the schools were considered among the best in the area.  For the most part we felt the schools lived up to their reputation.  Not perfect and certainly there were administrators with whom I butted heads, but I truly loved most of the teachers.    HB is also struggling with funding issues as many districts are.  I know people blame Common Core and special education, but Hudson deals with the same Common Core struggles and people with special needs children actually move to Hudson for better services (the system has three handicapped busses to accommodate the students with mobility needs!).  

I'm not buying the arguments!  Beginning now, Hudson schools are the standard by which I measure all other schools.  I can't believe how great the schools are.  The school goes so far above and beyond the standard curriculum offering multiple foreign languages, multiple music offerings, swimming, life skills labs and even has a gifted and talented program plus too many more to keep listing.  When we arrived on our very first day the kids were so nervous about school the guidance counselors found students to take them on tours, answer their questions and to act as mentors.  In contrast, when Jameson started at CSDA in Brookline the teacher didn't even know he was a new student and the school watched him struggle even after repeated calls from me asking for help.   At the time it felt as though the CSDA administrators went out of their way to ignore the issue and make things difficult.  Hudson has gone out of their way to help and guide the kids while also letting them assimilate and figure things out to gain confidence in their surroundings.  I realize we are only 3 months in but so far I couldn't be happier with the schools and I can't imagine being anywhere else.  

Of course I realize that I am making it sound like life is perfect in Hudson.  It is not!  My kids are still my kids...they forget their homework and take way too long to get ready for school and generally drive me crazy every chance they get!  Why can't kids ever find their shoes?!?!

It has also been a very cold winter.  I'm not complaining because we could still be in New England and have 100+ inches of snow!  Wait...we still have a house in NH with many inches of snow on the roof.  But thanks to my amazing Pope Rd. neighbors I know the house is still standing and that the roof has not collapsed!  I miss my neighbors so much!  I wish I could have brought them to OH with me.  I am pretty sure our OH neighbors are great too.  I have met a few of them and many of the kids and so far everyone is friendly and fun.  But they aren't our NH neighbors! 

Back to the cold...The cold has actually made me wish for my life back in India where the weather was near perfect and anytime I got overly frustrated with the craziness of life there we could pack up and go to some exotic location.  I knew leaving India would mean leaving my ability to travel often and since we are still trying to sell our NH house Kyle and I sort of agreed that we would not spend money on travel (by that I mean he said we wouldn't travel and I quietly stewed about it) .  So... I tried very hard not to bother Kyle about taking a vacation for spring break this year.  He probably remembers this differently - he remembers that I casually but often mentioned how nice it would be to go to a beach somewhere - but the reality is I was very restrained for me!  Somehow I did wear him down and he booked a trip to Aruba for the kids' spring break week which happens to coincide with our 18th wedding anniversary.  And truly if we want to make it to 19 years I think a vacation is required after the craziness of the past 2 years.  We made it through an international move only to uproot the kids (and me) again to a place where we knew absolutely no one and we have survived.  I guess the past 2 years has really helped all of us learn adaptability and flexibility and at the same time allowed us to recognize that we sometimes need to take a vacation for our sanity.  Vacation could mean going to the hotel down the road to swim in the heated pool, or, if you are lucky enough, it means hopping on a plane to Aruba for a week.  Either way a vacation is a nice break from reality even if reality is a bit like Mayberry!