It has been a long time since I've written here. I'd like to say that I'm too busy - work, baseball, gym, home projects, family visits, not to mention the day to day homework, dinner, laundry...I could obviously go on and on. But, the list of responsibilities is only part of the story. The rest of the story seems complicated but is really very simple.
I love my children but I also love my time. My time to write and my time to run and my time to just relax. Kids change life but they don't need to change me as a person. I've spent time around a lot of different parents. Some have tremendous balance between all aspects of their life, some are hyper-involved with their kids lives and have forgotten about the things they used to love and some have decided that their wants and desires are more important than their kids.
I haven't figured out where I fit yet. I get annoyed when my house is cluttered or practices are scheduled on the evenings of my favorite FIT class at the gym. I have friends that get annoyed when their kids are sick or their husbands are traveling. The reality is that we all have our quirks and we all have our boiling points but we also all make our own choices.
So I'm trying to make better choices to enable family enjoyment rather than family stress. A few things I've learned... a healthy dinner doesn't have to take an hour to prepare. Laundry remains just as clean in the laundry basket as it does in the bureau. I may not make it to the gym on many days, but I can run around the baseball fields while the kids are practicing. And my favorite choice, I do not need to spend hours each week "helping" with school projects.
I have found that I can let things go and I can back off. I love to be involved but I don't need to be hyper-involved. I need to be supportive and I need to ask questions and show encouragement but I don't need to insert myself in every single moment. So when I go to the ball field I can chat with my friends and I can get in a quick workout without jeopardizing my ability to be a parent.
The rest of the story is simple. I will always love to hear my kids tell me about their days and relive their stories with them, I will always love to see their projects - even those that aren't as pretty or as polished as their classmates. I will be involved and I will love and support, and in doing so I will continue to be a less-stressed version of me.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Spring is here!
Today was our first true spring day here in the northeast. Usually spring is my least favorite of the seasons here in New England. Fall is my favorite because I love the smell of the crisp air and the crunch of the leaves under my feet. Summer is full of outdoor cookouts and spending time at the beach. Spring is muddy and rainy and a little too chilly.
I love living in new england and usually get frustrated with the people who live here and complain about the weather. It isn't like the snow is a surprise or the cold is unusual. Every year I hear people complain that this is the worst it has ever been and I promptly ignore them. So either I am turning into one of those people or I am getting soft because this winter has been different. So much snow that the kids can't even walk in it. Frigid temps that turn the snow to ice and make it dangerous.
Our kids have spent most of this winter indoors. We do our best to encourage play over television. But the toys always end up taking over the house and the noise is like a marching band running through my brain and the only way to make it stop is to drink heavily or turn on the television. So far I've turned to the tv.
That is why today was such a fantastic day. Sure, Kyle spent the afternoon shoveling off the pool cover and patio, but at least we can now walk through the back yard. The boys rode big wheels on the driveway and we went for a walk down the street. I managed to enjoy a run today - no rushing because of the bitter cold, no slowing down to avoid slipping on ice. My kids played outside. There are trucks and bikes and big wheels in my garage and the noise outside was like a marching band - but it wasn't inside the house! Fall is my favorite time of year, but today I love spring. Enjoy!
I love living in new england and usually get frustrated with the people who live here and complain about the weather. It isn't like the snow is a surprise or the cold is unusual. Every year I hear people complain that this is the worst it has ever been and I promptly ignore them. So either I am turning into one of those people or I am getting soft because this winter has been different. So much snow that the kids can't even walk in it. Frigid temps that turn the snow to ice and make it dangerous.
Our kids have spent most of this winter indoors. We do our best to encourage play over television. But the toys always end up taking over the house and the noise is like a marching band running through my brain and the only way to make it stop is to drink heavily or turn on the television. So far I've turned to the tv.
That is why today was such a fantastic day. Sure, Kyle spent the afternoon shoveling off the pool cover and patio, but at least we can now walk through the back yard. The boys rode big wheels on the driveway and we went for a walk down the street. I managed to enjoy a run today - no rushing because of the bitter cold, no slowing down to avoid slipping on ice. My kids played outside. There are trucks and bikes and big wheels in my garage and the noise outside was like a marching band - but it wasn't inside the house! Fall is my favorite time of year, but today I love spring. Enjoy!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Turning 40
A friend turns 40 today. How did that happen? How is it that I have friends that are 40? Not too long ago 30 was soooo old. 40 was never going to happen to us, it was something that happened to older people. But not us, not me and my friends. We were going to be able to somehow live this magical life that allowed us to get married, have children and move forward without aging.
Yet, here we are within spitting distance of 40. Maybe 40 isn't too bad. Maybe our impression of 40 is very different than the reality. I always thought getting older meant giving up. I'd have to give up on my running and my career and just let go of learning and growing as a person. I'd be who I was and live for other people - my kids and my husband and my parents. But I'm not. I have those people in my life but I still live for myself. I still have growing and learning to do. I still have a career that I love most days. And, I have kids who teach me something new everyday. They are the biggest challenge I have ever faced and a challenge that will never end. But it is a challenge that is keeping me young, even as I grow older.
We only grow old when we give up on ourselves. But if we continue to learn about who we are and what we love we can be better for all of the people around us. So I'll continue working and running primarily for myself and in the process hopefully I'll stay young enough to help nurture my children to their 40th birthdays.
Yet, here we are within spitting distance of 40. Maybe 40 isn't too bad. Maybe our impression of 40 is very different than the reality. I always thought getting older meant giving up. I'd have to give up on my running and my career and just let go of learning and growing as a person. I'd be who I was and live for other people - my kids and my husband and my parents. But I'm not. I have those people in my life but I still live for myself. I still have growing and learning to do. I still have a career that I love most days. And, I have kids who teach me something new everyday. They are the biggest challenge I have ever faced and a challenge that will never end. But it is a challenge that is keeping me young, even as I grow older.
We only grow old when we give up on ourselves. But if we continue to learn about who we are and what we love we can be better for all of the people around us. So I'll continue working and running primarily for myself and in the process hopefully I'll stay young enough to help nurture my children to their 40th birthdays.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Preconceived Tragedy
I just finished reading an article about a terrible tragedy in Andover, MA. A 16-year old girl wandered away from a home at 5:30 in the morning and was found a few hours later in a pond, dead. I don't know why but for some reason I was compelled to read the reader comments at the end of the article. Each comment reflected an individual's preconceived notions about wealth and privilege. The young girl happened to be a student at a prestigious prep school and was attending a house party in a wealthy section of Andover. According to the article, her mother owns a consulting company that has many large, well known companies as clients. As I read the comments I kept thinking that the readers believe that having a working, well-to-do parent is the reason this girl is dead.
I am not one to comment on newspaper articles. Comments tend to be anonymous and self-righteous and I don't think I could add anything of value to those who would be reading my comment. But this blog is not anonymous (but maybe a little self-righteous). I am a working mom in a two-working-parent household. My boys are in school all day and then spend 2 hours with a babysitter before I get home from work. My situation is one that falls into heated debate among those who support the working-mom and those who support the stay at home mom. I believe that all moms work hard and all moms deserve support of their friends and families. I don't believe that full time hours at work or 6 figure salaries have any bearing on the way in which someone parents.
Parenting is different than working. Parenting involves love and respect and emotions that never enter the work place. It is a difficult and never-ending job. There are no vacations and no sick days. Some parents are good at it and others are not. But as a community we need to realize that parenting does not happen in a vacuum. There are influences at school, in sports, on tv and elsewhere that go into the make up of your child. The best thing any parent can do is stay involved, keep open the lines of communication - even when that communication is about topics that are difficult to hear - and provide unconditional support.
Today, there is a family mourning the loss of their 16 year old daughter. They probably make a lot of money, but their suffering isn't any different than any parent would feel in the same situation. They are probably wondering what went wrong, what signs did they miss, how could their daughter have been so despondent that she would wander away from her friends and end up dead? These are questions that any parent would ask and they are questions that this family will be haunted by for the rest of their lives. The rest of us need to ask, what can we do to prevent this in the future - for our children and others. Because regardless of the amount of love and support a parent provides, sometimes a child makes a bad decision or depends upon the wrong person and a tragedy happens.
Today, I plan to hug my boys a little tighter and have a bit more patience when they do what young children do - push my buttons and find their boundaries. I hope that I can maintain that patience when they grow and expand their horizons and learn new things from new people. I hope that I can maintain the lines of communication that are easy at age 5 and 7 when the boys are 15 and 17. Today I am thankful that I have another day.
I am not one to comment on newspaper articles. Comments tend to be anonymous and self-righteous and I don't think I could add anything of value to those who would be reading my comment. But this blog is not anonymous (but maybe a little self-righteous). I am a working mom in a two-working-parent household. My boys are in school all day and then spend 2 hours with a babysitter before I get home from work. My situation is one that falls into heated debate among those who support the working-mom and those who support the stay at home mom. I believe that all moms work hard and all moms deserve support of their friends and families. I don't believe that full time hours at work or 6 figure salaries have any bearing on the way in which someone parents.
Parenting is different than working. Parenting involves love and respect and emotions that never enter the work place. It is a difficult and never-ending job. There are no vacations and no sick days. Some parents are good at it and others are not. But as a community we need to realize that parenting does not happen in a vacuum. There are influences at school, in sports, on tv and elsewhere that go into the make up of your child. The best thing any parent can do is stay involved, keep open the lines of communication - even when that communication is about topics that are difficult to hear - and provide unconditional support.
Today, there is a family mourning the loss of their 16 year old daughter. They probably make a lot of money, but their suffering isn't any different than any parent would feel in the same situation. They are probably wondering what went wrong, what signs did they miss, how could their daughter have been so despondent that she would wander away from her friends and end up dead? These are questions that any parent would ask and they are questions that this family will be haunted by for the rest of their lives. The rest of us need to ask, what can we do to prevent this in the future - for our children and others. Because regardless of the amount of love and support a parent provides, sometimes a child makes a bad decision or depends upon the wrong person and a tragedy happens.
Today, I plan to hug my boys a little tighter and have a bit more patience when they do what young children do - push my buttons and find their boundaries. I hope that I can maintain that patience when they grow and expand their horizons and learn new things from new people. I hope that I can maintain the lines of communication that are easy at age 5 and 7 when the boys are 15 and 17. Today I am thankful that I have another day.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
These boys say the funniest things
I often say, "I need to write that down!" Sadly, I never remember to write it down. But today, Jameson said something that is so typical of his literal thinking that I remembered. He asked me, while we were driving to school in Nashua, NH, "Mom, is there a time difference between here and Boston?" Why, no there isn't, I told him. But mom, the radio just said that the time is 8:26 and your clock says 8:27!
Adults often say things that, when taken literally, have a different meaning. Like the time his grandfather asked Michael to, "go find his clothes." To which Michael replied, "I don't need to find them. I know where they are!"
But then there are times when my kids teach me about literal thinking - my favorite was when Jameson told me that they were learning about the flag at school but they didn't have the real flag. I told him that all American flags were real flags. He told me that he meant the REAL one, you know (picture eyes rolling like only a 7 year-old can do) the one that holds all of America's freedom!
Hopefully I will continue documenting all of the ways in which I learn something new while doing my best to raise my Kanes!
Adults often say things that, when taken literally, have a different meaning. Like the time his grandfather asked Michael to, "go find his clothes." To which Michael replied, "I don't need to find them. I know where they are!"
But then there are times when my kids teach me about literal thinking - my favorite was when Jameson told me that they were learning about the flag at school but they didn't have the real flag. I told him that all American flags were real flags. He told me that he meant the REAL one, you know (picture eyes rolling like only a 7 year-old can do) the one that holds all of America's freedom!
Hopefully I will continue documenting all of the ways in which I learn something new while doing my best to raise my Kanes!
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