Preconceived Tragedy

I just finished reading an article about a terrible tragedy in Andover, MA. A 16-year old girl wandered away from a home at 5:30 in the morning and was found a few hours later in a pond, dead. I don't know why but for some reason I was compelled to read the reader comments at the end of the article. Each comment reflected an individual's preconceived notions about wealth and privilege. The young girl happened to be a student at a prestigious prep school and was attending a house party in a wealthy section of Andover. According to the article, her mother owns a consulting company that has many large, well known companies as clients. As I read the comments I kept thinking that the readers believe that having a working, well-to-do parent is the reason this girl is dead.

I am not one to comment on newspaper articles. Comments tend to be anonymous and self-righteous and I don't think I could add anything of value to those who would be reading my comment. But this blog is not anonymous (but maybe a little self-righteous). I am a working mom in a two-working-parent household. My boys are in school all day and then spend 2 hours with a babysitter before I get home from work. My situation is one that falls into heated debate among those who support the working-mom and those who support the stay at home mom. I believe that all moms work hard and all moms deserve support of their friends and families. I don't believe that full time hours at work or 6 figure salaries have any bearing on the way in which someone parents.

Parenting is different than working. Parenting involves love and respect and emotions that never enter the work place. It is a difficult and never-ending job. There are no vacations and no sick days. Some parents are good at it and others are not. But as a community we need to realize that parenting does not happen in a vacuum. There are influences at school, in sports, on tv and elsewhere that go into the make up of your child. The best thing any parent can do is stay involved, keep open the lines of communication - even when that communication is about topics that are difficult to hear - and provide unconditional support.

Today, there is a family mourning the loss of their 16 year old daughter. They probably make a lot of money, but their suffering isn't any different than any parent would feel in the same situation. They are probably wondering what went wrong, what signs did they miss, how could their daughter have been so despondent that she would wander away from her friends and end up dead? These are questions that any parent would ask and they are questions that this family will be haunted by for the rest of their lives. The rest of us need to ask, what can we do to prevent this in the future - for our children and others. Because regardless of the amount of love and support a parent provides, sometimes a child makes a bad decision or depends upon the wrong person and a tragedy happens.

Today, I plan to hug my boys a little tighter and have a bit more patience when they do what young children do - push my buttons and find their boundaries. I hope that I can maintain that patience when they grow and expand their horizons and learn new things from new people. I hope that I can maintain the lines of communication that are easy at age 5 and 7 when the boys are 15 and 17. Today I am thankful that I have another day.