The Indian Wedding

We had our first opportunity to attend a Hindu wedding in India this past week.  Kyle's administrative assistant, Gayathri, got married on Monday.  It is typical for weddings to happen any day of the week in India, so while 9 am on a Monday morning seemed like an unusual time for a wedding to me, no one else batted an eye about it.  The wedding took place in a very religious area of India called Tirumala.

Tirumala is a hill city that is home to a significant Hindu temple where many Hindus make pilgrimages.  We noticed hundreds of people making the trek up the hillside, most in bare feet (and it is a significant hill that took 30 minutes by car).

The wedding was taking place in one of the many smaller temples in the city so we had hoped to drive up the mountain early and visit the Tirumala Venkateswara Temple.  Our early morning efforts were for naught though.  As we approached the entrance to the mountain there was a security process that took us over 30 minutes to get through.  It was quite impressive actually.  Every car and person was searched.  People needed to get out of their cars and pass through security detectors similar to airport security.  All bags had to be removed from the cars to go through scanners and the cars were searched.  While going through this process I noticed a sign that informed us we would be imprisoned for 3 months if we were caught bringing any meat products, alcohol or tobacco products, or gaming apparatus (cards, dice, etc.) into the mountain city.  So I'm not feeling quite as secure as I was at the beginning of the process, but at least I know I won't be tempted by any vices during this wedding.

The entrance to the security area upon entering Tirumala

We made it through and began the 30 minute drive up the mountain.  I was expecting the top of the mountain to be small with a few buildings and people.  I was wrong!  Tirumala is teeming with people and cars just like any Indian location.  It was hectic and crazy and we never did make it to the temple because it took us 30 minutes just to find the wedding location once we got to the city.  But, the invitation indicated that the wedding would take place from 9:15 to 10:00 so I figured we would have time to get to the temple later.  Wrong again!

I should have known better than to believe that an Indian timetable would be correct.
As an aside on Indian timing, I had a very typical interaction when I went to the mall the other day to pick up one thing I needed.  Malls typically open around 10:00 but most stores don't open until closer to 10:30.  I arrived at 10:40 thinking I could run in and out in a couple of minutes.  But, the store was still closed at 10:40.  I walked around a bit and then decided to wait outside the store at 10:50.  Two other women were also waiting (turns out they were employees waiting to get in) so I asked if they knew what time the store opened.  This is our conversation:

Me: do you know what time Jamal's opens?
Her: Open now, Madam.
Me: But the lights are off and the doors are locked?
Her: Open now, Madam.
Me: (thinking that maybe the store was open but the power was off so it appeared closed I attempted to open the door only to find it is still locked.)  But the door is locked and the lights are off?
Her: Open now, Madam.  The manager is on her way and it is open now.
Me: No, actually it will be open when the manager gets here, not now.  I think our definitions of now are a bit different.  

For the record, this wasn't an angry conversation.  It was matter of fact.  This is how it works in India. Very similar to the cable company. If they tell you they'll be at the house before noon you can expect that they may show up around 8 in the evening.  It is accepted here even if it is very frustrating to someone who is annoyingly on-time.

Back to the wedding...The wedding wasn't over until close to noon.  The wedding itself was inside a temple that resembled a Knights of Columbus basement room.  Very nondescript and institutional.  However the decorations were amazing.  Flowers everywhere and very colorful.  The bride and groom were married by Hindu priests dressed in their traditional orange clothing and it was quite amazing.  Even though the colors and the language and the process was so different from anything I am used to seeing in church, the most startling difference to me was that the guests were talking to each other and on their phones, most people weren't seeming to pay attention, and the ones who were paying attention were standing right next to or on the alter area and taking pictures right in the faces of the bride and groom. it was so strange for me because I am used to the "no photos" warning from priests and the dirty looks from anyone around me if I whisper to someone in church.

Notice the fire which is symbolic in Hindu weddings.  And I'm sure the flowers and decorations are all flame resistant - this isn't dangerous at all.

The wedding ended around noon and was followed by lunch in the basement of the temple.  Having never been to a traditional Indian wedding in India before I wasn't quite sure what to expect but Kyle knew what we were in for.  The room was set up with two long tables seating about 10 people on the outside edge.  The servers prepared food in pots that were carried into the room and finished preparing.  We sat down and large banana leaves were placed in front of us along with a small cup of water.  The water is poured onto the leaf and used to wash the leaf.  Then the food is scooped onto the leaf and, once completed, the food is eaten with your hands.  It is extremely messy!

Being the only westerners in the group, Kyle and I were given plastic spoons.  However, I was determined to have the full experience and eat with my hands.  Apparently I was not very good at it because on several occasions the other guests asked the servers to bring me a spoon.  I ended with a few spoons at my place and finally the servers stopped listening to the other guests and stopped bringing me new spoons.

Back to the temple visit…Once we realized that the wedding was going to go on for longer than we anticipated, we contacted our driver to tell him that he should go visit the temple on his own.  No need for him to miss the temple just because he is waiting for us.  He and his wife made the walk over but the lines to get into the temple were several hours long so he did not make it inside.  That was the only disappointment of the day as the wedding was beautiful and interesting and quite the experience!

And, the funny moment of the day, as we were leaving we noticed this sign that made me wonder just how many people had to shut off their engines while driving in order to require a sign?

The good and the bad of being so far away

Surprisingly to me, I haven't been terribly homesick here.  You just need to ask my Aunt Astrid about how surprising this is since I would cry for my parents anytime I attempted to sleep over with my cousin and my parents would trek the 10 miles down the highway to pick me up!  Don't get me wrong though, I absolutely miss my friends and family. But I have made lots of friends here and I am enjoying myself and enjoying our adventure so I don't get sad too often.

This week was different.  This week tested my ability to cope far away from home.  I got some bad news about a friend and I wasn't able to immediately pick up the phone and call anyone else who knew this person or anyone who at least knows me well enough to listen to me ramble incoherently.  Adding to the disconnect I felt was the realization that I received this news in a very isolating and very "2013" way.  I was scrolling through Facebook Tuesday morning (Monday night in the US) and I came across the horrific headline "Murdered Arlington Family Identified."  And right beneath that headline I saw the Facebook profile picture of a woman I used to work with holding her twin infant sons.

Naturally this news was surprising and horrifying.  I gasped out loud and the kids ran to my side to see what was wrong.  I tried to cover up for my gasp and prevent the kids from understanding the news but I wasn't fast enough and Jameson, damn his fast reading skills, read the headline and recognized that I knew the woman in the picture.  Needless to say my already anxious kid had difficulty processing this news.  In his 12 years all of his friends have been very similar to him and he has no reason to believe that anyone he knows gets hurt by family members or strangers, or even spends any time worrying about how to pay rent or grocery bills for that matter.  I have had conversations with him in the past about kids in his class that are mean to him or seem different from other kids and that he should still be nice to them even if they don't reciprocate that behavior.  He doesn't have to be friends with kids that are mean and he doesn't even have to like them, but he has to be nice to them because he has no idea if they are being treated well at home and if they are mean at school because it is all that they know.  Or if they are mean because they are hungry and the only food they get all day is the gross cafeteria food.  He has trouble with this view of the world because it goes against a child-like view that people are either good or bad, there can't be any grey area.

Then, while trying to explain to my son about the grey area of the world, I had an experience that I hope to someday share with him because it may teach him more about grey area than I ever could.  I went to an orphanage in Bangalore that houses many destitute children.  It is a large, depressing building that serves as bedrooms, school rooms, cafeteria, etc. for many parentless children (and some children who have a parent who is simply too poor to care for them).  But these children were so excited to see me and my friend when we arrived.  Edina, a new friend here in Bangalore, has been volunteering at this orphanage for several months and she visits about once a week to help teach some of the children English.  I spent about 90 minutes with these children who are learning English and was amazed at how happy they were to learn.  In fact, I was amazed at how happy they were with the few dirty, broken toys they had to play with and the one or two outfits they are required to wash themselves in buckets and lay out to dry on top of the dirty, tin roof of their building.  They sit at wobbly tables on chairs with broken backs or seats that are falling off and they share these chairs with other students and they help each other learn English.  And, they are so proud to show me their work and how well they have done.

The most exciting part of my time there was the music at the end of class.  Edina brought her iPod and sound dock and played a few songs for the kids.  They think the sound dock is magic.  How else can you explain to a child that has barely seen electricity how music is stored on an iPod and transmitted through a sound dock?

These kids have no idea where their next meal is coming from and they probably experience harsh punishments for anything that goes wrong, yet they are thankful for everything and amazed by the simplest of treats.  They are by no means perfect little kids.  This classroom had its share of the goody-goodies and the trouble makers.  It had kids that would sit, listen and complete work as well as kids who would get up and play with toys rather than do the work.  But I think that is what amazed me most - these kids are typical.  Kids are kids!

So I hope my kids are listening to me...No one is perfect and no one is all bad.  We need to be nice to everyone because we just don't know what is going on behind closed doors.  I hope my kids realize how lucky they are and just how powerful a smile can be.  I hope they learn that they have the ability to make a difference in this world and that they are in a unique position to understand that everyone comes from a different belief set and a different culture and a different way of looking at life, but that doesn't mean that anyone is wrong…and maybe it also means that there isn't anyone who is completely right either.

Here is the lecture to my kids for when they grow up...please, reach out to your friends…what they (and you) post on FB is not the true story.  It is the manipulated truth that tells a story, but not always the whole story.  Don't let neighbors be strangers and don't let distance and time prevent you from finding out how a friend is doing. And make sure you always have someone you can talk to, really talk to…with your voice and not your thumbs.

Phuket, Thailand - our first escape outside of India

The kids get a week vacation in early November because of the Hindu holiday of Diwali - which is even bigger than Christmas is for Christians.  There are lots of celebrations and fireworks and general craziness in India during Diwali.  We did manage to attend a Diwali party pre-vacation.  A neighbor of ours, the same woman who took such good care of Mikey when he was sick in September, hosted a Diwali party at her house and was gracious enough to invite our family.  There was lots of good food, many lights - both candle lights and string lights - and great people.  It was very similar to a party that we would attend in the states with the exception that most people were dressed in formal Indian attire of saris and other Indian garments.  Lots of fun!

But given that we do not have too many opportunities to travel with the kids in school we chose to spend the week of Diwali outside of India - I think it was a good choice because the ear-splitting firecrackers that were constant during day one of Diwali were enough to drive me crazy.  I can't imagine a week of that!  And, we have a list of many, many Asian locations we hope to visit and very few school vacations in which to visit them.  So, first school vacation, first trip outside of the country...Phuket, Thailand!  I had heard of Phuket long ago (mostly because I always thought it was pronounced with a "f" sound instead of a "p" sound and thought that anyplace named Fuk-It would be a good place to take a vacation).  I learned the correct pronunciation of "poo-ket" and more about the gorgeous nation during the devastating Christmas Tsunami of 2008.  Phuket was hard hit along with many other southeast Asian areas and the name became seared in the memory of many people.

The country has apparently healed very well in the past 5 years.  I could not see any indication of the destruction caused such a short time ago.  Phuket is beautiful and the people are truly welcoming.  We stayed in a Villa on the Western coast between Kata Beach and Kata Noi Beach.  We got our first taste of the area during our first excursion to the Hunaman zip lines.  These are crazy high zip lines through the rain forest of Phuket.  Jameson was not too interested in soaring on a skinny line hundreds of feet in the air so he an I went for a short hike and listened to the screams of the people flying around above us. But Kyle and Mikey and our friends the Hess' all spent an hour or so flying through the air and loving it!  Mike's refrain for the rest of the week - copying the other mom in the group - "Are you sure we are strapped in?"  

The next day was the day that Mike was most looking forward to - the Gibbon Monkey rescue.  Apparently many people in Thailand steal Gibbons from the forests and then charge tourists to take a picture with the Gibbon.  It is a way for the individual to make a decent living off of foreigners - but it is highly illegal because the animals are taken from their natural environment and live in horrible conditions and are then either killed or sent back into the woods without any hope of survival.  The rest of us were a little disappointed in the rescue because the area was very small and there wasn't much to see, but Mike was in his glory.  He loves Monkeys and is now considering becoming a Monkey Vet - not sure there is a call for that, but who knows!  He even adopted a mating pair of Gibbons that the rescue groups hope will form a family so they can be released back into the wild.  

Here is the proud adopter with his certificate of adoption.

Our next trip was supposed to be to a safari where we would go on a raft safari and then ride on elephants.  I was really looking forward to this but when we woke up Tuesday morning Mike had a fever and a sore throat so I made the mom call and told him that he and I would stay at the villa while everyone else went on the trip.  It was the right call.  The poor kid was sick most of the day.  But, Kyle and Jameson had a blast!  They both got to ride on and pet the elephants and Jameson got to feed them!

The remainder of the week was very relaxing with a day by the pool and a catamaran sail off the coast of Phuket to do some snorkeling and swimming.  The waters off of Phuket are the clearest blue I have ever seen in the ocean and it is so refreshing to jump into an ocean that is warmer than the 65 degrees that Hampton beach reaches at the height of summer :)  Jameson loved snorkeling and Mikey loved the swimming, but even more than all of that Jameson loved climbing into the dinghy and trying to convince us that he should ride there for the trip home...we didn't let him.  Lord knows he would fall out and end up on the shore of some deserted island!

All in all it was a great trip and I hope to get back here some day.  We do plan to go to Bangkok next year so we may have to journey south a bit to say hi to Phuket again!  How can you not want to visit a place that looks like this every night: