Surprisingly to me, I haven't been terribly homesick here. You just need to ask my Aunt Astrid about how surprising this is since I would cry for my parents anytime I attempted to sleep over with my cousin and my parents would trek the 10 miles down the highway to pick me up! Don't get me wrong though, I absolutely miss my friends and family. But I have made lots of friends here and I am enjoying myself and enjoying our adventure so I don't get sad too often.
This week was different. This week tested my ability to cope far away from home. I got some bad news about a friend and I wasn't able to immediately pick up the phone and call anyone else who knew this person or anyone who at least knows me well enough to listen to me ramble incoherently. Adding to the disconnect I felt was the realization that I received this news in a very isolating and very "2013" way. I was scrolling through Facebook Tuesday morning (Monday night in the US) and I came across the horrific headline "Murdered Arlington Family Identified." And right beneath that headline I saw the Facebook profile picture of a woman I used to work with holding her twin infant sons.
Naturally this news was surprising and horrifying. I gasped out loud and the kids ran to my side to see what was wrong. I tried to cover up for my gasp and prevent the kids from understanding the news but I wasn't fast enough and Jameson, damn his fast reading skills, read the headline and recognized that I knew the woman in the picture. Needless to say my already anxious kid had difficulty processing this news. In his 12 years all of his friends have been very similar to him and he has no reason to believe that anyone he knows gets hurt by family members or strangers, or even spends any time worrying about how to pay rent or grocery bills for that matter. I have had conversations with him in the past about kids in his class that are mean to him or seem different from other kids and that he should still be nice to them even if they don't reciprocate that behavior. He doesn't have to be friends with kids that are mean and he doesn't even have to like them, but he has to be nice to them because he has no idea if they are being treated well at home and if they are mean at school because it is all that they know. Or if they are mean because they are hungry and the only food they get all day is the gross cafeteria food. He has trouble with this view of the world because it goes against a child-like view that people are either good or bad, there can't be any grey area.
Then, while trying to explain to my son about the grey area of the world, I had an experience that I hope to someday share with him because it may teach him more about grey area than I ever could. I went to an orphanage in Bangalore that houses many destitute children. It is a large, depressing building that serves as bedrooms, school rooms, cafeteria, etc. for many parentless children (and some children who have a parent who is simply too poor to care for them). But these children were so excited to see me and my friend when we arrived. Edina, a new friend here in Bangalore, has been volunteering at this orphanage for several months and she visits about once a week to help teach some of the children English. I spent about 90 minutes with these children who are learning English and was amazed at how happy they were to learn. In fact, I was amazed at how happy they were with the few dirty, broken toys they had to play with and the one or two outfits they are required to wash themselves in buckets and lay out to dry on top of the dirty, tin roof of their building. They sit at wobbly tables on chairs with broken backs or seats that are falling off and they share these chairs with other students and they help each other learn English. And, they are so proud to show me their work and how well they have done.
The most exciting part of my time there was the music at the end of class. Edina brought her iPod and sound dock and played a few songs for the kids. They think the sound dock is magic. How else can you explain to a child that has barely seen electricity how music is stored on an iPod and transmitted through a sound dock?
These kids have no idea where their next meal is coming from and they probably experience harsh punishments for anything that goes wrong, yet they are thankful for everything and amazed by the simplest of treats. They are by no means perfect little kids. This classroom had its share of the goody-goodies and the trouble makers. It had kids that would sit, listen and complete work as well as kids who would get up and play with toys rather than do the work. But I think that is what amazed me most - these kids are typical. Kids are kids!
So I hope my kids are listening to me...No one is perfect and no one is all bad. We need to be nice to everyone because we just don't know what is going on behind closed doors. I hope my kids realize how lucky they are and just how powerful a smile can be. I hope they learn that they have the ability to make a difference in this world and that they are in a unique position to understand that everyone comes from a different belief set and a different culture and a different way of looking at life, but that doesn't mean that anyone is wrong…and maybe it also means that there isn't anyone who is completely right either.
Here is the lecture to my kids for when they grow up...please, reach out to your friends…what they (and you) post on FB is not the true story. It is the manipulated truth that tells a story, but not always the whole story. Don't let neighbors be strangers and don't let distance and time prevent you from finding out how a friend is doing. And make sure you always have someone you can talk to, really talk to…with your voice and not your thumbs.
This week was different. This week tested my ability to cope far away from home. I got some bad news about a friend and I wasn't able to immediately pick up the phone and call anyone else who knew this person or anyone who at least knows me well enough to listen to me ramble incoherently. Adding to the disconnect I felt was the realization that I received this news in a very isolating and very "2013" way. I was scrolling through Facebook Tuesday morning (Monday night in the US) and I came across the horrific headline "Murdered Arlington Family Identified." And right beneath that headline I saw the Facebook profile picture of a woman I used to work with holding her twin infant sons.
Naturally this news was surprising and horrifying. I gasped out loud and the kids ran to my side to see what was wrong. I tried to cover up for my gasp and prevent the kids from understanding the news but I wasn't fast enough and Jameson, damn his fast reading skills, read the headline and recognized that I knew the woman in the picture. Needless to say my already anxious kid had difficulty processing this news. In his 12 years all of his friends have been very similar to him and he has no reason to believe that anyone he knows gets hurt by family members or strangers, or even spends any time worrying about how to pay rent or grocery bills for that matter. I have had conversations with him in the past about kids in his class that are mean to him or seem different from other kids and that he should still be nice to them even if they don't reciprocate that behavior. He doesn't have to be friends with kids that are mean and he doesn't even have to like them, but he has to be nice to them because he has no idea if they are being treated well at home and if they are mean at school because it is all that they know. Or if they are mean because they are hungry and the only food they get all day is the gross cafeteria food. He has trouble with this view of the world because it goes against a child-like view that people are either good or bad, there can't be any grey area.
Then, while trying to explain to my son about the grey area of the world, I had an experience that I hope to someday share with him because it may teach him more about grey area than I ever could. I went to an orphanage in Bangalore that houses many destitute children. It is a large, depressing building that serves as bedrooms, school rooms, cafeteria, etc. for many parentless children (and some children who have a parent who is simply too poor to care for them). But these children were so excited to see me and my friend when we arrived. Edina, a new friend here in Bangalore, has been volunteering at this orphanage for several months and she visits about once a week to help teach some of the children English. I spent about 90 minutes with these children who are learning English and was amazed at how happy they were to learn. In fact, I was amazed at how happy they were with the few dirty, broken toys they had to play with and the one or two outfits they are required to wash themselves in buckets and lay out to dry on top of the dirty, tin roof of their building. They sit at wobbly tables on chairs with broken backs or seats that are falling off and they share these chairs with other students and they help each other learn English. And, they are so proud to show me their work and how well they have done.
The most exciting part of my time there was the music at the end of class. Edina brought her iPod and sound dock and played a few songs for the kids. They think the sound dock is magic. How else can you explain to a child that has barely seen electricity how music is stored on an iPod and transmitted through a sound dock?
These kids have no idea where their next meal is coming from and they probably experience harsh punishments for anything that goes wrong, yet they are thankful for everything and amazed by the simplest of treats. They are by no means perfect little kids. This classroom had its share of the goody-goodies and the trouble makers. It had kids that would sit, listen and complete work as well as kids who would get up and play with toys rather than do the work. But I think that is what amazed me most - these kids are typical. Kids are kids!
So I hope my kids are listening to me...No one is perfect and no one is all bad. We need to be nice to everyone because we just don't know what is going on behind closed doors. I hope my kids realize how lucky they are and just how powerful a smile can be. I hope they learn that they have the ability to make a difference in this world and that they are in a unique position to understand that everyone comes from a different belief set and a different culture and a different way of looking at life, but that doesn't mean that anyone is wrong…and maybe it also means that there isn't anyone who is completely right either.
Here is the lecture to my kids for when they grow up...please, reach out to your friends…what they (and you) post on FB is not the true story. It is the manipulated truth that tells a story, but not always the whole story. Don't let neighbors be strangers and don't let distance and time prevent you from finding out how a friend is doing. And make sure you always have someone you can talk to, really talk to…with your voice and not your thumbs.
I'm so sorry about your friend. I read about that, and though I didn't know her, my heart went out to her and her children. This was a beautiful post Kristin.
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